"As long as we have some self-righteous idea that we can carry out our Lord's teaching, God will allow us to continue until we expose our own ignorance by stumbling over some obstacle in our way. Only then are we willing to come to Him as paupers & receive from Him."
This passage, one of many, nailed me to the wall (ha ha) because it is so evident in my life these past couple weeks. I convinced myself that I was giving it all to the Lord, when in reality I was trying to handle most of it on my own; when I stumbled over some of these circumstances in my life, my tight grip on them was revealed (in my own opinion of myself, that was complete ignorance). Time & time again the Lord has taught me to hand it all over & I have yet to get it right, but goodness gracious, do I learn each & every time! In the previous passage, he says, "Only then are we willing to come to Him as paupers & receive from Him," & I can't stop thinking of how beautiful our Father is because when we give things, situations, circumstances, people, & etc. to Him, we are actually receiving something back: peace, love, grace, mercy, rest. . .the list goes on & on! Another thing I realized was that I was trying really hard to pass off that I was doing good & that I was strong, rather than being real & saying life felt like hell this past week. . .I mean, c'mon! Why the heck was I not real with myself, with the Lord, & the people around me?!
". . .having such a sense of absolute futility that we finally admit, 'Lord, I cannot even begin to do it.'" -Oswald Chambers
I know you've heard it over & over again, but it is so vital, especially in our relationship with Christ; we must be able to admit that we cannot even begin to successfully get through things on our own. Chambers continues to write:
"This is the doorway to the kingdom, & yet it takes us so long to believe that we are actually poor! The knowledge of our own poverty is what brings us to the proper place where Jesus Christ accomplishes His work."
That is where the blessings come in; Jesus is accomplishing His work, His molding & refining of us, when we are poor in spirit. It is such a blessing & I feel so loved that Jesus doesn't just leave me here with a hurting heart & poor in spirit, but instead He carries my burdens & He uses this as a chance to shape me into the woman He intended me to be. I will be the first to admit that I still don't understand it, I'm still grumpy & worn out (it's something Jesus & I gotta work on together, ha ha!), but I feel so much better knowing that I absolutely cannot do this on my own & that I'm being molded. I'm sure if clay were a living organism, it wouldn't feel too great being pushed, pulled, tossed, thrown all around, & etc. (you get the point), but boy, is it a beautiful piece of art when it's finished (depending on if you have skills, ha, just kidding, but seriously. . .I'm terrible with clay. I can't sculpt worth a darn - - but you get that I'm saying our Father is the bomb-diggity when it comes to art). It doesn't feel so awesome when He is molding us, but He does it because He can't wait to see how beautiful we'll end up being. (: Makes me giggle, ha!
UPDATE: I have my plane ticket & I'm flying to Tokyo December 5! Another awesome thing. . .I bought domains (.com, .org, .net) for a photography website that I'll hopefully have up & running in a couple months. I'm preparing to move home with my parents & guess what?! I'm headed to Alaska (in 2 weeks) to road-trip back with my legit friends, Mikey & Spencer, through Canada, Washington, Oregon, Idaho & so forth! Can't wait to spend time with these awesome guys & have the most epic road-trip ever! Also, my rad friend Caleb Fenske designed my new logo:
New name, new vision, same beautiful God!
I can't wait to see where the Lord takes His vision of reaching people through photography!
Thank you for all the prayers! Love you all.
YOU CAN ALSO FOLLOW AT: http://yeshuaphotography.tumblr.com/
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